I Need Therapy
by Zyzyax
Summary: Alex contemplates the insanity that is his life in the office of Dr. Looney, sorry Dr. Loosley. For Easter Fic Exchange 2018. Prompt: Alex in therapy/with a psychologist. AU. Might not be totally canon compliant.


Easter Fic Exchange Piece 2018

Prompt: Alex in therapy/with a psychologist.

Deadline: April 1st, post a message in the forum

* * *

 **I Need Therapy**

* * *

Perhaps vandalizing in Alan Blunt's house at three in the morning was not such a good idea after all. Alex had started with honest intentions, you see. Since his so-called 'boss' knew so much about him, he figured he ought to start studying up on Blunt. The man gave nothing away in the work environment, so Alex had taken the next step and stalked (he meant followed) the man home. Covertly, of course. Wouldn't do to be found out by his dear, dear friends in the home office. Except for Smithers. He seemed to think the entire sequence was hilariously entertaining. Not to mention supplying him with a phone that 'just happened' to interfere with street cameras if you pushed 6 five times. Alex personally thought the man needed either the raise he'd been asking for or the vacation he'd been asking for or perhaps less budget cuts. Either way, the normally jolly Smithers had seemed really put out with his boss for _some_ reason. Alex swore up and down he had _no idea_ why. Alex also swore he had no idea how all the street cameras just happened to go out near Blunt's house, but he was fairly certain nobody believed him either way. The fact that the man had gone back on his word and tried to 'adjust' Alex's housing situation had _nothing_ to do with it either. Alex digressed, though. Right now, he was currently sitting in the office of a raving lunatic that MI6 tried to pass off as a mental health professional and promptly foisted on him after the events of the past few days. The crackpot was currently going on about how communication was important instead of acting impulsively. Alex was now resisting the urge to punch the man in the face. Oh, he'd been _quite clear_ regarding his wishes toward MI6, but _nobody had fucking listened to him_. Alex had kept from burning down Blunt's house mainly because he thought one act of arson was enough for the week. Plus, Blunt had kids. Mostly the arson thing, though. Alex was tuning the man out and would promptly leave the second the session was over. He'd already talked with Jack.

* * *

Once he got home the second time, Jack looked relieved. "Alex, WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Alex knew she'd take his side once he explained everything. "I'm sorry, by the way. It'll go better if I start from the beginning."

Jack sighed. "Please do. All those assholes would tell us, is what you did, but I figured you must have had a good reason."

Alex sighed. Must not burn down 'Royal and General Bank'. "Well, it all kind of started after my first mission…"

* * *

Stormbreaker. The very name filled him with a mix of resignation and fury. Alex hadn't even considered that MI6 could even do what they were doing with him. What could he possibly do back at them? He knew he had almost no leverage. Alex was fourteen, not stupid. He also had the vague feeling that Blunt wasn't as done with him as the man had claimed. Call him paranoid, but people were after him. _Information is power, Alex. Never forget._ Ian, his dead uncle. Alex wondered if this counted as hearing voices. Probably. He didn't much care so long as said voices were useful. He supposed he could, what? Gather information on Blunt? Well, he was a teenage spy… Plus, this was his life they were talking about. They had no right to do what they did! Actually, it was a pretty good idea… He'd have to plan. There was make-up work to do, Jack to ditch, and whatever security Blunt had to dodge. Plus, he needed to eat and sleep. He decided that figuring out the man's normal working hours would be a start. Then, he'd have to find any habits (preferably illegal) and the man's home address. Alan Blunt would not have any friends; Alex was pretty sure. He had been right about that part, in more ways than one. Alex mentally sighed - there had been a few surprises.

* * *

"You DID WHAT?!" Jack yelled. Alex knew it was of concern, rather than proprietary. "Alex! You could have been killed! You could have gone to jail!"

Alex shrugged. "But I didn't, besides, I think we've proven that _they_ will not send me to jail. So, do you want me to continue?"

Jack let out a long breath. "This better be good."

Alex's smile would have terrified anyone familiar with teenagers. "Oh, it is. Trust me, Jack."

* * *

At any rate, the supposedly secure director of special operations had been shockingly easy to follow. The man's guards were idiots who anyone with half a brain could spot if they knew what to look for. He'd taken to dividing his time between Blunt and school. And missions, but Alex tried not to think too much about those. He'd started a very cliché black journal in which he detailed everything involved with his (completely involuntary) 'other life'. Blunt had some habits. And a wife and kids. That had been the real shocker. Alex felt sorry for whomever he'd conned into marrying him. His kids were probably emotionally neglected by Blunt, too. At any rate, it was clear to Alex that the man's wife and kids actually thought the man worked for a bank. At least he wasn't the only one fooled by the banker act, he mused. After he got everything he could about Blunt, He'd moved on to Jones. She was quite the workaholic. Alex had convinced Smithers to send her an email to workaholics anonymous. He'd claimed it was out of concern, but Smithers gave him a look that told Alex he wasn't fooled. Jones was divorced. Didn't get along with the ex-husband. Alex had actually visited the man (who had a habit of ditching surveillance) and heard the _actually_ tragic story of how their children had been kidnapped and killed by terrorists. Alex would admit he picked a time when the man was emotionally vulnerable and drunk. Poor sap. Probably had no idea who he had married until after the wedding. Mr. Jones hadn't outright said it, but Alex could gather from the clues that Tulip (what an unfitting name) had only told him after the honeymoon. Alex visited whenever the man got into one of his fits of camera-destroying rage, not that Alex had any room to talk when it came to property damage and the government. The man had been outraged when Alex had dropped enough clues to let Mr. Jones 'discover' that he was more involved with 'those people' than he should be. Alex figured the man wouldn't exactly have anyone to tell, for one. Two, nobody would believe him. Three, because he'd needed an adult not connected to him officially to help him with stirring up trouble for Blunt. Mr. Jones had only been too happy to help. Alex felt a brief stab of guilt for being manipulative and playing up his victim status.

* * *

Jack raised an eyebrow. "You know, that's actually impressive."

Alex flushed. "Really?"

Jack grinned. "Oh yeah, now I know my guilt trips were good for something."

Alex grinned. "Hah! So you admit it."

Jack whacked him lightly. "Get on with the story, you demented hooligan."

Alex mock pouted. "I'm troubled, Jack. The goal should be separating trouble from me, not condemning me for my poor decision making with my developing brain." Jack rolled her eyes.

* * *

The next part of the story continued after he'd been on the fun, fun trip with the CIA. Vacation, his ass. He was glad Smithers had warned him about Americans and their lack of trustworthiness. Blunt had seriously tried to pull a fast one this time. Apparently, his destruction of the crane and involvement with triads was because of 'irresponsible guardianship' on Jack's part. Needless to say, he was not in the mood to put up with Blunt's bullshit and he'd reminded the man they'd had an agreement. It was promptly ignored in favor of Blunt dumping him on some recovering agent. Alex hadn't bothered to learn the man's name since the only thing the ass had bothered to call him was 'brat'. To be fair, he really couldn't have pulled it off without inside help. He'd ended up unable to stop from complaining about it to Crawley, who'd decided to take the scenic route. Probably in hopes he'd calm down. Alex had decided that if they thought the crane and his normal shenanigans were bad, he'd show them just how uncooperative and destructive he could actually be. If the man hadn't been so rude to him, Alex wouldn't have caused quite as much destruction as he did. Then, he remembered that Crawley totally owed him for that thing with the triads. Now, Alex knew better than to ask the man about anything too bad, but Crawley was the type to exchange information (as far as he knew). Maybe the man had liked Ian enough to help him out? In the end, it hadn't mattered. Crawley had waited until he stopped speaking for several minutes, glanced at him, and paled considerably. At least one person knew how this was going to go down. Which was with massive amounts of angst, property destruction, and psychological warfare. Alex decided to enlist Crawley, after all the man did seem to value his skills (or was more aware of them) and while his twisted sense of loyalty to MI6 might get in the way of anything major, Alex would bet the man would help him with this.

* * *

"Crawley, remember when I helped you with that thing at Wimbledon when nobody else believed you." Crawley seemed to both relax and tense up.

"Uh, yes, Agent Rider". Alex grinned like Cheshire Cat. Crawley flinched a little. "No need for that, Crawley. After all, you can't _openly_ disagree with your boss, now can you?" Crawley's hands tensed around the steering wheel. They had to threaten Alex into the car. He could tell the kid was in Agent mode. Meaning, dangerous as fuck. "How about we make a deal?"

Crawley inhaled sharply. Jones might be fooled by the boy's claims they were accidents, but really, coincidently everybody who threatened him directly died on every mission so far? Yeah, he wasn't buying it. Besides he had the triad debacle to make up for. "Yeah, all right. What do you want?" He hoped it wasn't terribly illegal.

Alex wondered vaguely why Crawley seemed afraid of him. "Until I get back to living with Jack, I want the files on all my so-called guardians. You see Crawley, Jack actually helps curb my destructive urges." Crawley had the file on hand anyway. Alex guessed he might. It was promptly tossed in his lap.

"Nobody knows I gave you this, alright." Crawley did not want to get into this pissing contest.

"Of course not, Crawley." Alex flipped to the man's recent missions. Hmm. Tortured with loud noises he could duplicate. Anger management issues triggered by explosions? This was almost too easy. This guy wouldn't last a day.

* * *

Jack was laughing. "Oh, I curb your destructive urges, do I?"

Alex grinned. "Well, you give me a reason not to start blowing random stuff up and damaging city property."

Jack rolled her eyes. "That still leaves almost a week, two other guardians, what you did to Blunt, and how you got away from all of them a mystery, delinquent."

Alex grinned. "I'm getting to that, keep your hair on. You needed some background for this."

Jack ruffled his hair affectionately. "So you were about to meet terrible guardian number one, who liked to call you brat."

Alex grinned evilly. Poor Crawley had to admit him to the psych ward after a psychological break Alex swore he had nothing to do with.

* * *

Alex had a plan by the time he got back to the house. He had been an experimental child and accidentally blew up a few kitchen appliances, including a microwave. This would now work to his advantage. He'd honestly destroyed more than his fair share of household appliances between the ages of five and seven. He and Jack had several safer experiments with other items (including the uncracked eggs). Mostly, they just made an unholy amount of noise and a giant mess but weren't really dangerous. He'd ended up convincing James to give him the microwaves his aunt got rid of after remodeling the kitchen every year. Alex couldn't see why anybody would ever do that, but it was a free microwave he could blow up, so he didn't question it too hard. Apparently, you could blow up a microwave with a can of ax, a water bottle full of water, and a combination of tin foil, paper, and anything that exploded on contact with heat. He figured that if the combination of explosions and property damage didn't set the guy off, he'd go for the car. Nothing said 'it's personal' like permanently destroying someone's car. Actually, he didn't feel bad about it at all. Then he got the idea to do it while the guy was shaving, just to rub it in more.

* * *

Alex had gotten back at eleven o'clock at night. He had done his homework with Tom at a restaurant that catered to school kids. The guy had obviously given up on catching him after the ridiculous nine o'clock curfew and was currently taking a shower. Alex had gotten duct tape and a water bottle. He carefully filled the bottle and duct taped the microwave shut. He was curious to see if it would make the explosion more severe like he'd predicted. The shower suddenly shuts off and he heard the guy clunking around in the bathroom. Alex crept by the locked door and put the asshole's change of clothes in the across the room. Yes, he was petty. He was also fourteen and being threatened and _actually_ oppressed by the government so he figured he had a right to be. Alex set the microwave to twenty minutes just to be sure and left the house, just in case. Then, he grabbed a friend's mini sound system and blasted it at full volume to cover up the microwave noise. It only helped that the music was similar to the soundtrack that whatever murdering lunatics had caught him tortured him to. As predicted, the man slammed open the bathroom door after the music began. There was a pause, where he assumed that the guy was getting dressed. Alex safely out of the house. Just as the man got to the kitchen, the microwave exploded sending boiling water and shards of plastic and metal everywhere. The man immediately got up with a few plastic pieces stuck in and threw open the front door preparing to charge him. Alex resisted laughing when he saw the man had only shaved half of his face. Meanwhile, the neighbors had come to see what was going on. Now, Alex could take care of himself, but why would he restrain himself to something that boring? "HELP! THAT LUNATIC FOSTERING ME TRIED TO BLOW US ALL UP! I NEED AN ADULT HERE! HELP!" Needless to say, the man was suddenly faced with a very menacing crowd that included parents. One of the closer men promptly decked Agent Dickhead in the face and knocked him clean out.

"Alright, son, let's go inside and call your caseworker." Crawley was not going to be happy.

"Oh, thank you. Let's see, his name is Mr. Crawley…"

* * *

Blunt was bordering on actual emotion. Alex was slightly creeped out. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

Alex resisted the urge to laugh. "Well, Blunt, clearly your mentally unstable agent tried to attack me after I accidentally blew up his microwave. I didn't like my chances on a fully trained Special Ops agent with years of experience and at least fifty pounds on me, so I decided to get the crowd to intervene."

Blunt gave him an incisive stare. "Thousands of pounds in damage. You reinjured Agent Rowley. He was knocked out with a concussion in addition to shrapnel burns. Rowley will also have to relocate after his involuntary stay in the psychiatric hospital. After he woke, he attacked personnel on sight and took over half an hour to calm down. He refuses to take you back and requested a pay raise."

Alex resisted a cheer. "Working for you? He deserves it." There was a pause. "So, I guess you have to send me back to my house now."

Blunt's grey eyes bored into him. "Not quite. We do have an alternate already arranged." Well, fuck. That was eerily quick.

"Well, let's hope his sanity lasts longer than six hours." Alex couldn't resist the jab.

Blunt's incisive glare cut him even deeper. "Yes. One would hope."

* * *

"You did WHAT?! You could have died!" Jack yelled.

Alex put on his most charming grin. "The odds were low, really. I knew it wouldn't level the house or anything. Just demolish the kitchen. Besides, aren't I heroic and all? Wanting to get back to you at all costs".

Jack lightly whacked him upside the head. "No, you are not heroic, because I do not want you to die a hero's death."

"I feel so loved." Alex grinned.

Jack ran her hand through the blond locks of his hair. "You should."

Alex let her do it. It felt nice. "Now, let me guess, you want my miscreant self to get on with the story."

Jack grinned, despite knowing she should be reprimanding him or acting parentally disapproving. "You bet."

* * *

The second agent hadn't been much harder to crack. Alex's guess was that they relied on the order in their private lives to deal with the insanity that was their jobs. All you had to do to make them starkers was disrupt their carefully constructed home lives. Crawley plopped the second file in his lap the next morning. "Read. And remember, you stole these files if anyone asks."

Alex was suspicious. "Why are you helping, anyway?"

Crawley shrugged. "One, I owe you. Two, Blunt made an agreement; he's in the wrong here. Between you and me, if you screw the pooch on this guy and the next one, you'll get to go back to your original accommodations."

Alex would almost be touched. So Crawley had a sense of honor. He was actually kind of surprised. "Thanks, Crawls. See ya soon."

Crawley rolled his eyes. Ian would have wanted Alex and Jack to stay together. So would John, if he'd been alive. That and he figured it was better for the kid's long-term sanity. Blunt was terrible about that kind of thing when it came to his top agents.

* * *

Alex was decent a driving people nuts. All it took was a mix of snarky comments (even more than usual) and a bunch of routine or plan disruptions. Even so, he had homework. At least it was the weekend. That meant one homework day and two psychological warfare days against his new guardian. This one completely ignored him after the initial tour. It was as though he didn't exist. Ask a question? No answer. Slam a door? No reaction whatsoever. He'd have to get creative with this one. Alex being creative was a bad thing when it came to his pranks. The file said the man had a fear of snakes so bad that he'd run screaming in the opposite direction for about three kilometers as soon as he encountered one. He'd asked James if anyone had a pet snake. As it turned out, Mandy had one and was more than willing to lend it to him to 'help his guardian overcome their fear of such beautiful creatures'. It helped that Mandy was one of the people he'd helped in Spanish loads of times. Alex figured her dreams of being a herpetologist would get her very far in life. She seemed to know everything under the sun about snakes. Now, how to make sure his guardian didn't injure the snake. Alex made sure it was a constrictor, so nobody died, but that was about it. He'd gotten a clear plastic case, so the snake didn't get hurt and was now ready to set his plan in motion. Operation Ophidiophobia was about to begin. The tank the snake was actually living in was a good enclosure. Alex had set his alarm for shortly before his new guardian would wake up and shower. He carefully took the snake out of its cage. Alex didn't want to injure it. He slid the snake into the clear plastic container with nothing else in it. Then, the container and snake were carefully put in the corner of the shower. Alex silently waited. Sure enough, he heard one of the most unmanly screams ever. The bathroom door was opened with a bang and the man ran out of the door, into the living room, and straight out the house completely starkers. Alex sighed and picked up the house phone. "Hi, is this the operator? I'd like to report a streaker to the police…"

* * *

Crawley picked him up after the morning news aired with his guardian as the top story. Alex had called Mandy's mom and told her his guardian had an extremely bad reaction to the snake and he was worried about its health if it stayed much longer. The mother, who liked snakes as much as her daughter, had already picked up the snake and its terrariums. Crawley opened the door with two other agents and mouthed play along (his back was to them). "Rider, you're coming with us." Alex sighed and got in the black car. "Do you have an idea what you've done? It was all we could do to keep Agent Wilson's actual job out of the news. We had to pay off four newspapers. Four!" Alex was once again taken up to Alan Blunt's office. This one had lasted just short of two days. Mainly because he'd actually had to do homework for one.

Blunt seemed to be attempting to x-ray him with secret mental powers. "So. You figured out Agent Wilson's greatest fear and exploited it."

Alex put on his most innocent expression. "I have no idea what you're referring to, Blunt. I just woke up to him running out the door starkers screaming about snakes or something." Blunt just looked at him. "You think he was hallucinating or something?"

Blunt gave him another look. "No. I know he wasn't. Clever though you are, you should know that all of the landlines and my agent's houses are bugged." Well, fuck. Blunt's lips twisted. "And you claim not to belong here."

Alex's temper flared. "Fuck you. I'm not going to stop, you know."

Blunt doesn't react. "Your tenacity is an asset to this organization, anyhow. You'll find this guardian a bit tougher to crack, though. He's a psychologist, you see."

* * *

That was how Alex ended up staying with Dr. Thomas. Alex almost felt bad about what he had to do. The man didn't react to small acts of destruction, just kindly told him that he understood Alex was channeling his rage into his surroundings and, while it was better than people, he'd prefer not to have his possessions blown up. Drat. The guy was almost understanding. Alex made sure to point out how much he prefers his previous arrangements to staying with the man. Alex would have liked him under different circumstances, but he wanted to live with Jack, so he would live with Jack. The next plan required some forethought. The Dr. wouldn't make himself unsuitable, so Alex figured he might have to challenge the living conditions instead. He was also held back by the fact that he was planning revenge on Blunt before he finished with this guardianship arrangement. Thomas seemed to be questioning his delinquent persona. Alex sighed. On one hand, the role he was playing would probably not care about his education. On the other, he actually cared about said education. It was the only thing that would get him out of MI6's slimy grasp. He hoped. Alex wasn't entirely sure they'd ever leave him alone. He could become some kind of terrorist, but he actually preferred not to go to jail. The shrink they had decided to send him to (not his guardian) was obsessed with compromise. Alex was pretty sure it was easier just to punch bullies until they decided to transfer schools or quit beating up little kids. It was simple, really. Detention didn't put the fear of God into them nor did a gentle reprimand and the excuse of a difficult home life. That wasn't an excuse, in Alex's opinion. He was going on a tangent. Alex decided a visit to Smithers was in order. After all, nobody liked Blunt and he couldn't do this alone.

* * *

Smithers had looked about as stressed as Alex had ever seen him. "Another mission so soon?"

Alex grimaced. "Not quite. I actually just wanted to check on you. You seemed a little off. Plus, you did warn me about the Americans."

Smithers' face softened slightly. "Oh yes, no sense of humor, that lot."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "What's got you down, Smithers?"

Smithers huffed. "Be glad you don't have to deal with interdepartmental drama or Mr. Blunt full time. Or the complaints I get about my devices. Or the vacations, raises, and funding turndowns."

Alex grinned. "Don't let them get you down. I always did wonder how you just made the exact right amount and kind of devices for all of my missions."

Smithers chuckled. "Or perhaps you just found the best uses for them with your problem-solving skills."

Alex felt his text alert go off and reached for his phone. It somehow managed to slip from his fingers and hit the floor. He was going to blame that on staying up late to plot against Blunt. The screen was hopelessly shattered. "Well, shit."

Smithers looked a little too happy. "No worries m'boy. I can give you a temporary replacement. I'm sure I have a more harmless model around here somewhere." There was a pause as he pulled out a sleek, beautiful black and blue phone. "This one here only interferes with street cameras. Mr. Blunt wanted extra features before it went to other agents. If you're in a pinch press six five times!"

Alex totally wanted to keep his temporary replacement forever. "Thank you, Smithers."

The man's smile was a little more feral than normal. "Oh, it's no problem m'boy. Do _try_ to stay out of trouble. Mr. Blunt wouldn't want you to use it for any mischief." Alex had to wonder if that was the man's tacit, unspoken permission to use it against Blunt for any mischief. Well, he knew where Blunt lived. Actually, he knew when Blunt normally ate and slept too. He tried to make that sound less creepy in his head and failed miserably. Still, Smithers' phone would come in handy.

* * *

It took a few more days and another surprise visit to Mr. Jones to get the supplies he needed. Alex didn't think Blunt was paranoid enough to monitor his purchases, but it never hurt to make sure. Besides, a kid buying a ton of eggs, a gallon of petrol, a lighter, and a bunch of building and fireproofing supplies tended to look suspicious. Alex wouldn't want to get Jack involved and other people were liable to ask questions. He genuinely liked the man's company at times. Mr. Jones had been a lawyer and had met Tulip in school. There were all sorts of interesting stories about his more 'interesting' clients and university in general. Alex had never known that fellow fire enthusiasts would use the labs to build 'overpowered torches' (flamethrowers, but legally not a flamethrower). Plus, all the stories about the things professors got away with at lecture made college seem like a more appealing choice. Prostitution jokes in a psychology class and racism jokes in a humanities class sounded pretty awesome. Plus, the man had a few stories about the extremely odd physics professors, who seemed to have very much earned the stereotype of being smart but utterly insane. It was kind of nice to hear about someone's normal life and career path that wasn't directly involved with MI6. At any rate, he had his pranking supplies. It was lucky that Tulip and her ex-husband never spoke. It would have given him away a long time ago.

* * *

Alex grinned. The doctor had a medical conference to attend, leaving Alex alone at the house for six hours. The man's most prized possessions were put on one side of the house and that side was promptly fireproofed. Alex should really thank his current psychologist for this idea. It was all about compromise, you see. Dr. Thomas most likely wanted his house intact, while Alex wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground. The man couldn't foster him if he didn't have a place to live, after all. He drew a line at the exact halfway point of each object in the house, cutting the dining room table in half. After he done that, he applied the coating that would make the space between the two halves fireproof and used a fire blanket to drape in between the halves. It would have to do. After triple-checking all of his preparations, Alex prepared to light the place up. His bag was packed. Next, it was on to Blunt's house. He'd disabled the street cameras as he approached the house. They legitimately couldn't prove it was him. He grabbed the fuel and began his final preparation, soaking the fire starters in gasoline. The way he set up his fuse would give him fifteen minutes to get away before the house began to burn down in earnest. At least, half of it would. The other half would remain untouched, if slightly scorched. Half his way, half the doctor's way. Alex lit the fuse and casually walked out of the house. He had friends to hang out with until the evening. An alibi. In the evening, he would enact the final and the riskiest part of the plan. Pranking Alan Blunt. People had been thrown in mental institutions for pissing him off. Alex grinned. He didn't think Tom or James would ask too many questions about this. They had done more controversial pranks. Like convincing the school to cross-dress at that one dance. He smiled at the memory of that particular prank. Even Ian had been amused.

* * *

Night had fallen. Alex, Tom, and James were the only ones left at the restaurant. Alex had planned that of course. "Hey guys, do you want to help me get revenge on someone?"

Tom's eyes widened. "You need help? Dear God, who are they?"

Alex grinned. "Just some banker. He's been making my life difficult since the Ian thing."

James sighed. "Yeah, I never did get a chance to tell you how sorry I was."

Alex smiled even wider. "You can make it up to me by helping me with this."

James finished his food. "Yeah, I'm in."

Tom snorted. "No way are you, two goody-goodies, doing this without me."

Alex laughed. It felt like the first time in ages. "Whatever you say, Tom, I already have the eggs and special spray paint."

* * *

The three boys had then proceeded to egg every single window in Blunt's house. They flung the extras on top of the roof. Alex wished the man luck trying to clean it all up. Then, he'd grabbed the spray cans full of paint he'd made many years ago with Ian. The stuff didn't come off, as far as Alex knew anyway. James and Tom had a competition to see who could come up with the most offensive phrases. They were all dressed in normal clothes, but they had obscured their faces. Alex had disabled every street camera that would point to the fact that he'd been anywhere near the area. Alex decided to use up the rest of the gasoline for the grand finale. Well, the grand finale of the prank. Alex had decided to sneak both of his friends into Ian's scotch supply after this. As long as they didn't get too drunk they would be fine. A bit of underage drinking would go a long way in making him feel better. Alex decided to light the lawn up he quickly placed a few pieces of fuel that would let it burn for longer and over more surface area. Alex had debated doing a cross but decided he'd rather set the whole thing on fire. The last of the preparations were made and a match dropped. The boys waited until the lawn flared up like a gasoline spill and then ran off. Alex took off his mask and the others did likewise. He deliberately stopped in a neighborhood where dumpster fires were common and dropped the three masks in one of them. The three strolled down the now familiar route to Alex's house. Alex knocked on the door. Jack looked surprised to see the three of them. "Alex!" Alex was promptly engulfed in a hug. Jack smiled and let the three boys in for a snack and to have a sleepover. Alex smiled and relaxed after Jack left them alone. He capped himself at two drinks and went up to bed with a smile on his face.

* * *

Alex grinned. "And you know what happened next."

Jack shook her head. "They came the next morning, practically dragged you out and put you in god knows where for a day."

Alex sighed. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. They sent me to a shrink after agreeing that I could come back since only you seemed to have any kind of control over me."

Jack smirked. "Don't you just love happy endings?"

Alex snorted. "Only in this case."

* * *

Alex was returned to the present when he realized Dr. Loony was staring at him. "Yes, Dr. Looney? I'm sorry I wasn't listening."

"It's Loosley! And I was asking you what possessed you to burn down only half a house. Why not the whole thing?" The man looked slightly flustered.

"Well sir, I was following your advice, you see. Dr. Thomas wanted his house intact and I wanted to burn it down. I decided to compromise just like you told me." The man couldn't tell if the fourteen-year-old agent was joking or not.

He sighed. "Why were you causing trouble in the first place?"

Alex had been waiting for this question. "Well, normally Jack talks me out of it, but she wasn't there." He put on his most innocent face. "I don't really understand why, but it makes her upset when I destroy stuff so I try to refrain, you know." Complete lie, but the man seemed to swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

Looney, sorry Loosley started after he heard that. "That will be all for today."

Alex held back a whoop. "Sure, Doc."

* * *

Blunt met with the man shortly after. "Your assessment, Loosley?"

The man sighed. "Extremely manipulative, highly intelligent, bordering on sociopathic. I recommend you keep him with the Starbright woman."

Blunt looked at Crawley. "I concur. So far no incidents after the reunion, versus four beforehand in a weeklong span." Crawley couldn't resist a jab. "Besides, it was the agreement beforehand." Blunt didn't react.

"Dismissed." Well, that had been an utter failure. Still, there were other ways to get what he wanted, namely Alex Rider under a more permanent control.

* * *

 **Fin.**


End file.
